“I’m Beowulf, I’ll kill yor monsta! …”

“… and then I’ll shag its muvva … maybe I’ll go dahn the pub forra laager .. or get in a pizza!” For those who believed Beowulf was Scandinavian it can now be revealed that he is a cheeky cockney (Ray Winstone). But that’s not the real issue with this film. How many people don’t realise they are actually going to see a computer game rather than a film? Several near us didn’t, judging by the comments. I’m sure there is a film review of Beowulf 2007 out there saying how awesome and wicked this Beowulf film is. Either they are between the ages of 12 and 14 or they have never seen Anthony Hopkins act because even with it being his voice this totally computer generated film cannot produce his acting ability. Very well done but the characters are flat and lifeless compared to real actors. Lusty young men hoping to see Angelina Jolie naked are treated to an animation nude straight out of Manga instead. So; why is it not the actors themselves in this film? Apart from Ms Jolie being understandably reluctant, it’s all about money as usual. Much cheaper to make an animated film than use real people (we all remember the terrible dodgy original Lord of the Rings film before Peter Jackson did it properly). As a big fan of Neil Gaiman’s work I’m really sorry he was involved in this Beowulf con trick … because that is surely what it is .. all the hype and big names to get people, who never otherwise would, to sit in front of a computer game masquerading as a film for two hours. Neil Gaiman can be forgiven as his passionate interest in old legends must have made the offer irresistible. So let’s blame Robert Zemeckis for this con trick. Do yourself a favour if you haven’t seen this Beowulf film and don’t. Animation is fine in its place but trying to take the place of real acting is pathetic. Anthony Hopkins is a brilliant actor, his animated double in this film is nothing like brilliant. A cardboard cut-out. A positive note though, the dragon is excellent! But then, it should be as that is where animation works – creating the imaginative images that do not exist in real life. If a trend set by this Beowulf film was to continue do we end up with a race of people who think real life is as flat and lifeless as these characters? Does the whole world turn into one great computer game? Should cinemas be allowed to show this film without a declaration that the whole film is CGI with no live actors? What do you think?

The next film version of Beowulf is going to be an ecological one apparently … “I’m Bio Wolf, I’ll save yor planet!”


  • I entirely agree with this article since I had the same experience! I was looking forward to this film (being a fan of Anthony Hopkins) and was utterly disappointed when the film started and I realised that all the actors were computer generated. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I had travelled a fair distance to the cinema I would have left straight away!

  • Hey, it´s a very good rant about all those CGI-stuff seen recently on the “big screen”.

    But to be fair – there are animated movies that are great. For example “Shrek” or “Madagascar” – I loved them ;-)

    But on the other hand – strange films like “underworld” or “final fantasy” were not good at all…

  • Regarding spelling, shouldn’t it be “…yah monstah!”?

  • Well I come from London mate an’ I fink it should be “yor monsta” least I fink ‘ats wot I ‘eard that bloke say but I never could never spell nufink proper like anyway so who gives a monkeys wot I write or ‘ow its spelled. Where you from anyhow? Max Magnus don’t sound very cockney to me – yer a bit posh to be commentin on this blog aintcha? But fanks for joinin’ in and let me know if I got all me worms in a muddle in this ‘ere reply :-) Actually, we DO know where you are from – SWEDEN ! But maybe there is a Swedish version of cockney ? You’ll have to let us know … :-)

  • O and yeah … Final Fantasy was crap for the same reasons as Be A Woof !

  • Swedish cockney? That could be göteborgska, or skånska, or gotländska, but certainly not norrländska…

  • So I’ll be right at home if I visit Sweden! All I have to do now is learn Swedish :-)

  • Pingback: milner » “I’m Beowulf, I’ll kill yor monsta! …”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.