Tag Archive for "Star Trek"
I’m sure you’ve noticed how bizarre the meters are for installing software, copying, downloading etc. The copying is going to take 3 days 4 hours and 27 minutes, then 2 mins later it will take 3 hours 32 mins, then 27 mins and finally it’s all over quicker than you can make a cup of coffee. Then there are those downloads where there is one minute left to go which somehow ends up taking far longer than making a cup of coffee. Even the last ten seconds seems to stretch out towards infinity. Since software like this is designed by software designers and/or programmers we can only assume that they do it according to their own experience of time, which leaves us with some strange observations about how they must live. The software designer with two minutes to catch the bus surely must inevitably arrive an hour after it has gone. Another programmer is writing his Christmas list only to find that by the time he’s finished it is Boxing Day. They must all miss their birthdays one way or another and have absolutely no idea how old they actually are. Clearly, they never manage to get married unless it is to another designer or programmer with the same bizarre time perception as their own and even then it must be hit and miss whether they make it to the church or registry office at the right time and don’t manage to end up at the Reception before the wedding. Some of them, of course, may have the good fortune of stretching the last moments of their lives off into infinity with “just a few seconds left …” whilst others never knew what hit them as their retirement flashed past reducing from 25 years 6 weeks 3 days and 27 minutes to 1 day 3 hours and 4 mins before the first year of their retirement is over! So; next time you are faced with a digital countdown that is apparently defying all known laws of physics spare a thought for these poor miserable people in their strange universe where the worst TV advert can last all evening and lovemaking is reduced to a fraction of a second instead of the usual six years three weeks two days four hours 28 minutes and 33 seconds ![]()
Watching Star Trek Next Generation recently I was forced to think back to when we were kids and produced our own humourous sketches on an old battered reel-to-reel or cassette recorder. Later on you’ll see why!
We had a vague idea of a plot and who was going to play which character but then basically pretty much anything might happen … sometimes it was hilariously funny, very often it wasn’t. Sometimes we’d rehearse a sketch we liked to the point it lost all sense and was no longer funny (assuming it had been in the first place!).
One of these sketches was based on the original Star Trek. My friend Howard, due to his deep sonorous voice got the part of Spock and I was probably Kirk because I’d rarely play unless I was in charge (nothing much has changed there!). Anyway, we beam down to this planet and Spock comes out with these immortal lines right off the top of his head, “Captain, why is it that every planet we beam down to has the same blue sky and the same pink rocks on the ground?” There was no easy way to answer that and so Howard carried on with, “I believe this studio has limited facilities!”
So why was I reminded of this old Star Trek sketch from further back than I care to count the years to? Well, it is true that you do tend to see Klingons nowadays on Star Trek rather than just a glimps of a Bird of Prey before Kirk has it blasted to oblivion and the special effects are far better than way back then with the lower budgets and even lower technology available. But, it is is still similar in that, although the planets do look different, they all by some incredible freak of chance have an atmosphere breathable by human beings. In one case on Star Trek Next Generation there was even a planet with a breathable atmosphere and no vegetation, which is a really neat trick. I guess suspending disbelief has always been the name of the game even with the most scientific of sci-fi. The Enterprise travels millions of light years through space and encounters an alien whose conceptual framework is almost exactly like ours and his words are translated into perfectly understandable English! Mind you, the idea that the English language could be the same in a few hundred years time on a Star Trek starship is far-fetched enough (just read Shakespeare or any other old English writing). It may not be the same pink rocks on the ground but by God none of these Star Trek actors and actresses are going to have their fizog off the box for a few minutes while they bounce around wearing a space suit … but then the gravity on these planets is always identical to earth gravity so I guess they wouldn’t….
American Indian inspired art by Susan Seddon Boulet - click on Athena to go there!