OK Computer …!!!

Yesterday I received a telephone call.  Nothing strange about that but it was not from a human being.  It addressed me by name and asked me if that was who I was and then wanted me to verify who I am by answering security questions.  I put the phone down.  This call came from a major company who I buy a service from.  They have just told me that I am such a valuable customer that they cannot spare the time to have a real person talk to me.  I am only worth being spoken to by a very dumb and stupid machine.  In today’s Politically Correct society I am probably risking being labelled as ‘Machinist’ (Machines are people too!) but I doubt I am alone in getting fed up with automated phone calls selling services and long-winded computerized menus when you phone almost any large company or government department, let alone this new breed of service call.  An answering service when an office is unoccupied or the phone lines too busy is one thing but spending 20 minutes talking to a computer just to find out where you can get an answer to a simple query is something else….and let’s face it, computers are extremely dim.  Not just a bit, oh I put my socks on inside out kind of mistakes, but really and utterly stupid.  If you spelt ‘London Road’ on a letter as ‘London Rod’ there is little doubt the postman would still get it to the right address.  A computer would send it back to you stating coldly that the address does not exist.  Here’s another daft one, when a credit card is processed manually and all the security details match the dim-witted machine asks whether you want to accept or decline the transaction as if there could be any possible reason you would want to decline it when everything matches … DUH!   1984 and 2001 have both past by yet the inhuman vision of a world ruled by machines still looms in the future.  Will it be Hal or Big Brother?

Isn’t the computer spellcheck wonderful !

Some curious things happen to the names of many of the artists whose prints or original work are featured on Artists UK

For instance, Brian Froud hangs up his brush and becomes the relative of a famous psychologist as Bryan Freud whilst rather more appropriately Peter Pracownik becomes Peter Peacenik. Patrick Woodroffe only has to suffer his name being unintelligently mis-spelled by the spellcheck as Patrick Woodruff. Whilst Rodney Matthews becomes the grand master Rod Ney Maîtres. Stuart Dilley finds himself with a problem as Stuart Dilemme and Ed Org perhaps has rather more fun as Ed Orges!

This is of course of no interest whatsoever to John Howe, Alan Lee, Jim Burns, Robert Gould and Roger Dean whose names are entirely unaffected. Well, I hope you enjoyed that. All the best from Kish Savary :-)

Let’s get this straight …

These entries are not necessarily going to make the most sense, be the most relevant or the most interesting but hopefully they will be a lot of fun :-) and if not then you’ll have to say so by adding a comment or forever holding your pieces!

We’ll explore things like why it is that Tiscali went belly-up yesterday for the whole of the UK. Their Customer Services said that no Tiscali customer in the UK had access to the Internet when it happened late yesterday afternoon (after the mouse fell of the treadwheel ? :-) ). Still, as promised, Tiscali did get us all back online by 9am this morning. O the joys of computers, ISPs, servers and software … the fervent prayers we all offer up that they won’t go wrong just now … not till I’ve sent this email … finished this order … updated this website … Oh bugger >¬£+”%*&(£$X%%^ :-( !

We will also explore subjects as diverse as water, music, weather and any number of other daft ideas that pop into my fevered brain overloaded with running Artists UK. These posts are not to be considered as mainstream Artists UK DotNet but just a bit of a giggle on the sidelines ….